At times it feels like you are in the safety of a solid ark that is gently floating, moving with the flow of the water. Other times it feels like your beautiful boat will tip at any moment. That is the best way I can describe the week that I have had.
Monday morning we woke up, little did we know things would take a different turn. Mid morning I received a call that someone we were in contact with tested positive for COVID-19. Quickly, we jumped into the car to get tested.
Three out of eight of us tested positive for the virus and our home turned into a Covid-19 zone! My level of taking control went from a two to a ten, separating the “positives” from the “negatives” and arming myself with every disinfecting chemical I could get my hands on. My ten year old was offended to be referred to as a negative. He told me that he is so positive and doesn’t want to be called negative! The week was challenging to say the least. We felt aches, soreness, stress, tension, sadness, fatigue, and more. We were one big mess! I had moments where I felt great and others where I felt quite low.
I believe that every experience is sent to teach us something. These are some of the things I am trying to use to anchor and ground myself as I go through this experience of having COVID-19.
1- I am not in control of what happens. My Bubby, a Holocaust survivor, and just a survivor in every sense of the word, would use an old Yiddish adage, Der mentsh tracht un Got lacht, meaning Man plans and G-d laughs. I can do all of the cleaning, sanitizing, hand washing that I want (and of course I strongly believe it is so important) but when it comes down to it, I don’t run the show down here, Hashem does.
2 - Now more than ever I need to tap into gratitude. Reminding myself each day that I am so blessed to have my health, my family, special friends and be grateful for my life. I try to practice seeing the good when things aren’t really going well. I am learning now more than ever that even when life seem crummy, there is still plenty of good to be found.
3 - Kindness and support of friends and family is healing. Caring messages and offers to help our family that I have received throughout the week have been a source of support to me.
4 - Marriage is constant daily work. My husband and I are always trying to improve our relationship and connection. I am learning this week that when life presents with challenges and tensions are high that a marriage can be tested, like any relationship. Listening, accepting feedback openly, and compassion for each other is what keeps the relationship strong in difficult times like these.
5 - Each day is a new day so start fresh. Being at home for an extended period of time is very difficult. Ending each day telling myself that tomorrow will be better has been encouraging and helps me see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
While my mind wandered into many different places over this week, what I believe in, is that often our thoughts are not real. They are muddled with fears and insecurities that expand and take on a life of their own. Putting this all into words and sharing with some of you who I imagine have experienced some of the same emotions has made the waves around the ark a little less rocky and provided me with some calm.
Thank you for reading ️❤
Sending you all my love xoxo
Beth
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